For too long, the conversation about preventing sexual harassment and assault has revolved around what women can do to protect themselves. Women are told to dress modestly, carry their keys between their fingers, avoid walking alone at night, and learn self-defense. But here’s the harsh truth: these crimes don’t happen because of what women do. They happen because someone, often a man, chooses to commit them. So, let’s change the narrative. Let’s stop telling women how to avoid being attacked and start telling men to stop attacking. And more importantly, let’s start holding each other accountable for behavior that crosses the line.
If you’re a man who’s tired of seeing women suffer from harassment, assault, and daily microaggressions, then it’s time to step up. It’s not enough to say, “I would never do that.” You need to call out other men who do. That’s where real change begins.
What’s “Not OK”? Let’s Break It Down
You don’t have to be overtly violent to contribute to the problem. The small, everyday behaviors many men dismiss as “banter” or harmless can have a serious impact on women. Here are some examples of what’s not OK and why you should stand up against it:
1. Telling Sexual Jokes at Work
It might seem like harmless humor to you, but sexual jokes in a professional setting create an uncomfortable and unsafe environment for your female colleagues. No one should have to laugh off inappropriate comments to fit in.
Call it out: “Hey, that’s not really appropriate for work. Let’s keep it professional.”
2. Invading Personal Space
Standing too close, leaning in unnecessarily, or touching someone without consent are all ways that personal boundaries are crossed. It might not feel like a big deal to you, but for the person experiencing it, it can be incredibly distressing.
Call it out: “Give them some space. It’s important to respect personal boundaries.”
3. Pushing Up Against Someone on Public Transport
The tube or bus might be crowded, but there’s a difference between unavoidable proximity and deliberate physical contact. Women experience this far too often, and it’s unacceptable.
Call it out: “Hey, you’re standing way too close. Back off.”
4. Feeding Someone with Drink or Drugs
Giving someone more alcohol or encouraging them to take substances with the intent of lowering their inhibitions is not just manipulative — it’s predatory. Consent cannot be given when someone is incapacitated.
Call it out: “That’s not cool. Stop pressuring them.”
5. Catcalling or Sexual Remarks in Public
Catcalling isn’t a compliment. It’s an act of intimidation that makes women feel objectified and unsafe.
Call it out: “That’s not how you talk to someone. Show some respect.”
Why Men Need to Step Up
When you stay silent, you’re part of the problem. It’s easy to look the other way, to tell yourself it’s not your business, or to rationalize someone else’s behavior as harmless. But every time you let it slide, you’re enabling it to continue.
Here’s why standing up matters:
- It Changes the Culture: When men hold each other accountable, it sends a message that inappropriate behavior isn’t tolerated. Over time, this changes the social norms that allow harassment to thrive.
- It Shows Solidarity: Women are tired of bearing the burden of fighting harassment alone. By stepping in, you’re showing that you’re an ally who’s willing to take responsibility.
- It Prevents Escalation: What starts as a “joke” or “innocent” invasion of space can escalate into more serious harassment or assault. Nipping it in the bud can stop things from getting worse.
- It’s the Right Thing to Do: If you wouldn’t want your sister, mother, or daughter to experience this behavior, then why let it happen to someone else?
How to Call It Out Without Escalating
Standing up doesn’t mean you have to pick a fight. Here are some ways to address inappropriate behavior effectively:
- Be Direct but Calm: Say something like, “That’s not okay,” or “Let’s not do that.” It doesn’t have to be confrontational to be effective.
- Make It About Respect: Frame your response around the importance of respect: “Let’s make sure everyone feels comfortable here.”
- Redirect the Behavior: If someone’s making inappropriate jokes, change the subject or steer the conversation away from the offending topic.
- Call Out Privately if Needed: If you’re worried about embarrassing someone, address it one-on-one: “Hey, what you said earlier wasn’t cool. Here’s why.”
The Bottom Line: It’s Our Responsibility
The next time you hear someone say, “She shouldn’t have worn that,” or, “She should have been more careful,” remind them that women don’t cause harassment or assault. Men do. And it’s up to us to stop it.
We all have a role to play in creating a world where everyone feels safe and respected. Start by holding yourself accountable. Then hold your friends, colleagues, and even strangers accountable. Because calling out bad behavior isn’t just the right thing to do — it’s what makes you a real ally.
So the next time you see something that’s not OK, bro, don’t just walk away. Speak up.